Tuesday, 20 August 2013

Why I Babywear.

Why I Babywear

Last year my entire world was blown apart, the family and life I thought I had collapsed, our family was in a total state of turmoil and our life will never to be the same again.

I stayed home for a year, only leaving the house with my husband, he was and still is my rock.

We decided to have another baby, because they are so healing, I was total state of shock throughout my pregnancy and towards the end a friend who was concerned about me sent me a link to 2 groups, the local attachment parenting group and the local sling meet and she made me PROMISE to go. These mamas she told me, will be lovely, please go, and she gave me my first wrap.

So heavily pregnant, I swallowed my nerves and went along to a sling meet and the attachment parenting group. I looked at the sling wearers, many people were in both groups, I had never worn a baby, but they looked so close, mama and baby, almost still one.

I had been in such distress through my pregnancy I was terrified of PND, I thought it had to be worth a go, I’d carry the little one after his/her birth.

And so he arrived, my rainbow after the storm and I fed him and I wore him, everywhere, all the time.

I felt his heart next to my heart, smelt his precious baby smell, I kept him sockless and footless, so I could hold his little feet and warm them with my hands, I wore him topless in the house with just a nappy, skin to skin, never apart and constantly together.

I fed him in the wrap, he slept in the wrap, his daddy carried him at times, skin to skin, heart to heart.

And strangers stopped and cooed, in a way they never had before, people I had never spoken to, they cooed on the school run over his tiny head wrapped to me, inside my coat, they showed an interest in the shop,”oh look how happy he is in there”, my wraps became a conversation topic, an opening to speak, “oh look dragons today”, “what a beautiful lizard”, “such a happy baby”, “so content”.

And gradually, with each piece of skin to skin, each conversation I had, while stroking his toes, each new friend I made in this new world he opened up for me, I healed, I didn’t realise I was healing, it happened gradually. As he grew close to my skin, the pain inside me eased.

Spring came, and then summer, and still I wear him, my beautiful precious little boy and now I have a whole new life, I mourn the passing of my old life at the same time as my new life grows.

I have interests now, sling meets and parenting groups and breast feeding groups, I have friends, I am no longer scared of meeting new people or going to new places, because I am never alone, somewhere, there is always another baby wearer, a mum just like me – and with a brief grin, a small wave of the hand, an acknowledgement of each other, no matter how small, I know – I am now a part of this baby wearing community, finally, I have refound me.

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